Not over yet


Friday, January 14, 2005


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Sunday, April 18, 2004
What is your name?:Nadiah
Are you named after anyone?:supposedly Nadia comaneci
What's your screename?:desolate tears
Would you name a child of yours after you?:Nop
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?:Haidir
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:Sakinah
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?:nope
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:no
Your gender::Female
Single?:yes and enjoying it
If not, do you want to be?:not yet
Birthdate::11 march 84
Your age::20
Age you act::15
Age you wish you were::10
Your height::166cm
Eye color::black
Happy with it?:i wish it was brown
Hair color::black
Happy with it?:like if in darker shade of brown
Your living arrangement::simple
Your family::close
Have any pets?:a fish
Whats your job?:student
Obsessions?:taking surveys like this
Addictions?:the internet
Do you speak another language?:yup malay
Have a favorite quote?:i keep changing
Do you have a webpage?:a blog
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?:nope sumtimes i plan for the future and lingers in my past
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?:yes
Do you have any secrets?:yup
Do you hate yourself?:sumtimes
Do you like your handwriting?:yeah..kinda neat
Do you have any bad habits?:sleeping late
What is the compliment you get from most people?:i'm patient
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?:it was there all along
What's your biggest fear?:relieving my past
Can you sing?:nope
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?:failed at all attempts
Are you a loner?:can be
What are your #1 priorities in life?:religion and family
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?:yes
Are you a daredevil?:no
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?:yes..im scared of my fear
Are you passive or agressive?:passive
Do you have a journal?:yes
What is your greatest strength and weakness?:my understanding and my passivity
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?:my cowardice
Do you think you are emotionally strong?:i dun think so
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?:yep
Do you think life has been good so far?:i try to make it good
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?:Do not ever judge pple coz u will nvr know
What do you like the most about your body?:my legs
And least?:my eyes
Do you think you are good looking?:no
Are you confident?:no
What is the fictional character you are most like?:ugly duckling
Are you perceived wrongly?:sumtimes
Do You...
Smoke?:used to
Do drugs?:nop
Read the newspaper?:yes
Go to church?:no..im not a christian
Talk to strangers who IM you?:yes
Sleep with stuffed animals?:used to..with a stuffed penguin
Take walks in the rain?:yes
Talk to people even though you hate them?:yes..i can act real well
Drive?:not yet
Like to drive fast?:wish to
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?:no..
Hurt yourself?:yes
Been out of the country?:yup
Eaten something that made other people sick?:yeah..like chicken's feet
Been in love?:maybe
Done drugs?:noo
Gone skinny dipping?:not yet tried
Had a medical emergency?:yeap
Had surgery?:a mnor one
Ran away from home?:once
Played strip poker?:no
Gotten beaten up?:yes..a case of mistaken identity
Beaten someone up?:yup
Been picked on?:yeah
Been on stage?:yes
Slept outdoors?:yes..i love outdoors
Thought about suicide?:used to
Pulled an all nighter?:yes
If yes, what is your record?:2 straight full days
Gone one day without food?:nope
Talked on the phone all night?:yup..frm 12am to 7 am
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?:err..no
Slept all day?:yeap..12 hours
Killed someone?:no
Made out with a stranger?:nop
Had sex with a stranger?:nop
Thought you're going crazy?:yes lots of times
Kissed the same sex?:yeap
Done anything sexual with the same sex?:no
Been betrayed?:yes
Had a dream that came true?:i think
Broken the law?:maybe
Met a famous person?:yes
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?:usually i do it on purpose
On purpose?:i just said it
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:yup
Stolen anything?:yes, an eraser
Been on radio/tv?:yes for a game show
Been in a mosh-pit?:yes ..but just stand
Had a nervous breakdown?:i dunnoe
Bungee jumped?:yet to try
Had a dream that kept coming back?:yup
Belive in life on other planets?:yes i do
Miracles?:nope..more of god's plan on our life
Magic?:i dunthink so
Love at first sight?:i dun think so
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:in this world no
Witches?:no such thing
Easter bunny?:nop
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:yup
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?:no
Do you wish on stars?:no
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:yes
Do you think God has a gender?:no
Do you believe in organized religion?:yes
Where do you think we go when we die?:hell or heaven
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?:yup
Who is your best friend?:salinah
Who's the one person that knows most about you?:salinah
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?:i should be happy that i am not disabled
Your favourite inside joke?:chipenz maner?
Thing you're picked on most about?:my nerdy look
Who's your longest known friend?:juana
Shyest?:i dunno
Friends you miss being close to the most?:my pri sch mates
Last person you talked to online?:nantha
Who do you talk to most online?:acheng
Who are you on the phone with most?:islam n salinah
Who do you trust most?:islam
Who listens to your problems?:my closest fren
Who do you fight most with?:islam
Who's the nicest?:rufi
Who's the most outgoing?:
Who's the best singer?:bedah
Who's on your shit-list?:not anyone
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?:nope
Who's your second family?:my uncle's
Do you always feel understood?:nope
Who's the loudest friend?:
Do you trust others easily?:nope
Who's house were you last at?:my teacher's house
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in::my mom
Do your friends know you?:sum of them
Friend that lives farthest away::surabaya
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?:yes i do
What do you find romantic?:just comforting me when i need it
First kiss?:16
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?:i dun feel anything..try to tell him
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going:yup
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out:yes i hope
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractiv:yes a fat guy
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?:i dun think so
What is best about the opposite sex?:their strength
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?:ego
What's the last present someone gave you?:bday card
Are you in love?:no
Do you consider your significant other hot?:i dun have one
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?:my ex
You wanted to kill?:my ex
That you laughed at?:islam
That laughed at you?:islam
That turned you on?:nobody
You went shopping with?:salinah
That broke your heart?:my ex
To disappoint you?:my ex
To ask you out?:muz
To make you cry?:myself
To brighten up your day?:myself
That you thought about?:my frens
You saw a movie with?:salinah
You talked to on the phone?:islam
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:nantha
You saw?:my mum
You lost?:my fren
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?:nop
Will it be with your significant other?:no
Or some random person?:yes
What are you wearing right now?:shirt and shorts
Body part you're touching right now::noting
What are you worried about right now?:my exams
What book are you reading?:currently no
What's on your mousepad?:no mouse pad
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling::bored,sleepy,tired,confused, zoned out
Are you bored?:yes
Are you tired?:yes
Are you talking to anyone online?:no
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?:no
Are you lonely or content?:sumwhere in the middle
Are you listening to music?:nop

Really Long Survey (over 200) brought to you by BZOINK!

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Friday, February 20, 2004
I dunno why this is happening
These past few days have put my mind in a rollercoaster mode with swirls,turns and high-action brain activity. Once again when i thot that everything is just back to normal, I was hit by another blow that I am not sure whether I can take it. Another person comes into my life, trying to finf his way into my heart. A heart which has chosen itself to close. I dunno why this thing is happening again, I am so scared that the past will repeats itself. I do not want the same dissapointment that my parents went through. I'm writing this in my web diary is because I just have the urge to write before I burst out of control. God please show me guidance. I just don't want to rush things through. Im very scared.. I dunno whether he is sincere just playing with words. Hope he is not. Im sick of being played with. Im sick of having pple lying to me.. lies and lies. It just hurt me. Please just give me help or whatever so dat I could make a clear picture of what is happening. I don't want to make any promises, my fear of breaking them is overbearing. Im scared that my own doing will hurt him but in no way did i ask him to love me. No, thats not my way. So God please show me the way before anything bad happens.....

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Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

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Saturday, February 14, 2004
No it ain't
Tommorow got to start the day real early = be at Youth Park at 8am! Freaking early! The earliest time to be in town.
The feeling of uneasiness and akwardness is beginning to creep up in my heart. Tomorrow is the moment I will be meeting my mentee. All thoughts about him - a young boy 10 years of age, looking up at me as his mentor. Throughout the year (if possible more than a year), I should be accompanying him in a part of his life journey. Would I be able to get to know him closely? Will there be a wall separating us?
Questions and questions.

Another thing that is occupying a lot of memory space in my crumbling brain is the band METALASIA. I did not know what went through my mind yesterday. Out of panicking, I told my lecturer that I'm gonna do a critique on this band. What a great idea, yea right.
For the benefit of those who dunt know Malay, this band thrives in the metal opera scene in Malaysia. Their recent album, titled 'Silantra..Bermulanya Sebuah Epik' is a fantasy-based storytelling galore. It tells of a mighty warrior called Silantra fighting the evil Tok'ra.
It stories are enchanting and it cannot be denied that the guitar riffs here are magnificent. This album really let you take flight to the magical world of the Katari.
Back to my assignment woes, it is easier said than done. There are so many perspectives to tackle the critic part and once again my mind set off to its frenzied mode.
Rest thy 'ol jaded mind...

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Wednesday, February 11, 2004
Truth hurts?
The journey back home was a disturbing experience. It depresses me after the incident where people play around with the truth. In this forever unfair world (note: the unfairness is caused by humans) people are looking for truth and justice to lay peace to our each and every ragged souls. That is why the quest for truth or the source for it becomes important.

This was brought up by the first group of people I encounter during my journey to home. Their effort puts a smile on my face. In my heart, I wish they will find truth someday.

After that group has gone, came the next arrogant group. They knew the truth but were playing around with it! Such fools. Their words pricked my heart and the feeling of anger began to seap through my veins. They too passed me, their cockiness visible after managing to 'defeat' me.
That was why I stood silent.
Then I was reminded that in this world people say 'truth hurts'. It hurts because people make it that way, a way that hurts. For them, the truth is a burden and thus to lighten or expel it, they say it hurts. Naturally, people will fear the truth and its only up to people (like the first group I mentioned) to make truth not a hurtful experience...

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Sunday, February 8, 2004
It will...
The biggest loss mankind faces is their own arrogance.

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